The first time I ever taught a class, I was a fucking wreck beforehand: I was anxious, insecure, and my mind raced. When I actually taught it, my body was shaking, my voice was trembling, and I could hardly breathe. Fast forward to today (right now, actually) and those same anxious feelings are bubbling up again. This weekend I’m off to New Mexico to go teach some workshops. I’ll be connecting with a new group of students in a deep way for three days. For some reason a couple days ago, I started asking myself questions like “What if I forget what I’m teaching? What if my material isn’t good enough?” When I stop to think about the answers to those questions, I realize that even asking them in the first place is a ton of bullshit. I chatted with my friend and mentor Alyssa and she helped clarify the situation. She reminded me that being nervous (like before the first day of class) is a good thing. It’s a sign that you care and are passionate. She also told me that hesitation and second-guessing myself is normal, but it isn’t going to help me. She reinforced that I needed to let go of negative self-talk and let myself shine. She actually told me I should bring everyone a pair of sunglasses because I was going to shine so bright. I’m not beating myself up for having self doubt. It happens: I’m human. But I’m not going to waste more time on negative bullshit. So Santa Fe, here I come (sunglasses not included).
See you on the mat. Much love and good vibes.